Moth eaten, dank smelling, like one of those woollen winter coats
that have seen many years of use, but never cleaned.
Like a security blanket, familiar, safe.
How come I never saw it until now??
The coat had big buttons down the front.
It took years for Jesus to reveal, but he showed me that that these buttons were disappointments, unmet expectations over things that had happened in my life that helped me keep this coat on.
Deep down I believed I deserved to wear this coat of grief.
That I was not good enough to wear any garment of praise.
I was not worthy of any blessing.
Blessing. Such a foreign concept to me.
I have avoided it for myself, but so happy seeing it in others.
My coat of grief has been such an excuse for me.
Warped self gratification that I was somehow more noble in passing blessing on,
when deep down I have never felt worthy of it.
How do I let this coat of grief go?
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