It is funny how life and situations can expose and test the molten core of our heart, our core beliefs.
I felt like I was going mad.
I felt like my heart would tear apart, that it would give out with the pressure and stress it was under.
I was desperate.
I needed answers.
Why was it so hard? Why was I not coping?
I took my journal , I took an afternoon away by myself in a cafe and I wrote, and wrote and wrote to God, demanding his purpose and plan amidst all this pain.
Why Lord Why?
I had a sick husband who could not work;
a broken life-long friendship that I could not repair.
I had to step up into full-time work to financially support our young family.
Even then, we were unable to afford our living expenses.
Should we move? Should I change jobs? I was in such a place of weakness, feeling so gutted, so broken.
Realising I had nothing to offer Jesus, nothing to offer God or others but brokenness.
I wrote furiously in my journal.
I was there for hours, as I could not leave the cafe table until I had an answer.
Jesus responded.
I’m not sure how he did, but amidst the kaos of my cluttered mind and emotions, his quiet voice spoke of his divine purpose:
Philippa, to understand and be free of these core beliefs that control you, you must understand that they cannot destroy you
IN ME.
How can one understand that something is powerless, that it cannot hurt us any longer?
We must open the suitcase, look inside and even handle these core beliefs/lies to see them for what they really are.
And, when we have held them, experience them to know they are powerless. Then only then, can WE can throw them away.Then it came to me, all these things I was experiencing were forcing me to confront each and every one of these core beliefs.
No wonder I felt as if I was going mad!!
Like a crucible, Jesus was purging these lies from my life.
These core beliefs that had held me hostage for so long were being tested and found wanting. Although extremely painful, they were powerless to destroy, as they were based upon lies.
The suitcase open, together Jesus and I took these objects out.
I gave them to him to throw away.
No more. NO MORE! No more lies. It is finished.
Help me to live in your truth Jesus.
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