Sitting on the floor of my lounge room.
I’m alone - but not really. I’m crying. I’m crying a pain so deep, a pain thats been a part of myself for a very long time. A pain I cannot express in words. But up it comes - expressed in my tears, in my sobbing.
I’m alone - but not really, because God is there. Tangible as the hard floor, real as the heat of my wet tears. A visitation of my Father God, a unique period of my life and my journey with him. A time of such revelation of his love and grace.
Sitting on the floor of my lounge room. Determined to wait until he spoke to me. Desperate to hear his voice and to know his heart.
He did come. He made himself known to me on that hard wooden floor. Waves of unfathomable love washing over me. Personal sobbing as my heart responded with awe, insignificance and deep gratitude at this God who loves me. A forever love I had only seen glimpses of.
Sitting on the floor of my lounge room. I’m alone - but not really. Another revelation comes, this time from Jesus. He is my kinsmen Redeemer.
Jesus is the one who seeks me out, finds me, saves me, protects me and brings me home to a place of safety and love. Me - one who is lost, one totally alone with out anyone to care or protect me. What love , what grace!
I have sought to be so strong, so independent my whole life. So autonomous, protecting my heart, my true self from others and harm. It has been a journey of loneliness, isolation, fear , rejection and pain.
An invitation comes as I sit on the floor of my lounge room,
“will you trust me, will you let me in, will you allow me to safe you,
to heal you, to redeem you?”
I’m alone - but not really, as I know Father God is here. He is inviting me to deep relationship with him. It is he who has been seeking me, wooing me to know and experience his love.
I laugh out loud, considering the absurdity of the scene: a woman curled up on the floor - crying, sobbing, laughing all at once. A diving intervention, a wonderful mystery: a holy God speaking into the heart of his child.
Such grace extended to a child who has struggled to trust this God. Such love given freely to one who could never earn it. So many tears, so much pain cried out. It went on for hours: silence, rest, sobbing, laughter, dancing, worship, reading,writing, revelation, tears…on and on.
A holy visitation, maybe once in a lifetime? I don’t think so. I know enough of God that he loves us too much for that.
How do we make time and space for God to speak into our lives? How do we seek him till we are found by him? How do we truly know this awesome God and his love? How do we know this Jesus, Father and Holy Spirit proclaimed in the Bible?
Try sitting on the floor of your lounge room alone with him. Try anything to engage with him
write to him,
sing to him,
dance,
make music,
draw,
rest,
listen,
see,
walk,
run.
For he is here.
He is present. The truth is - we are never alone,
we never have been alone - not for a moment.
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